Sorority Porn Goes Limp

I feel like I was in the TV show Wild On.., or even Girls Gone Wild this weekend. My sister begged me to stay at her house this weekend because she was hosting her sorority reunion. If you haven’t noticed thus far, I will do anything for my sister. I’ll even attend some sorority event for 35 year-old moms.

It was worth going just to see Meme floating around the pool on a giant smiley face penis. I don’t know what her pastor would have thought about it, but in my opinion she looked happier than when she’s at church being told she should be submissive to her husband. After several hours of drinking, the girls started shucking their clothes and jumping in the pool. Is this a bad porno? Is this really what sorority girls do? It was bizarre, but I must admit I had fun.

I spent Saturday tubing in the Guadalupe. It was 4 or 5 hours of drinking, floating, looking at boys, and talking. I got home in enough time to take a shower, hop back in the car and make it to the sorority dinner. Immediately after dinner I started to get scared. From the other end of the table I could hear little voices saying, “Don’t eat that – you’ll loose your buzz!”
I didn’t give it too much thought until I was summoned to that part of the table. In some type of cryptic language the girls were slurring at me to tell them where we were going.

One girl who appeared to be a big fan of blow, got angry and slammed her hands on the table demanding to go to a bar immediately. I glared at my sister, and began asking people if she was going to get into a fight if we took her out. After a quick vote the girls decided she would not get into a fight, and at the worst she would just embarrass us. I wasn’t very relieved.

We headed off to some uppity bars, but it was too early for anything to be going on. Blow girl threw another fit at the first bar when she realized the dancing was in the back of the club. She followed this up by hitting on the doormen so she could get back in later when it picked up. Next she did a strip tease (pretty limited on the strip part, though) in front of a bunch of cars waiting for the light to turn green. I sat there wishing for a freak electrical surge to happen which would force the light to turn green. I pictured the cars revving their engines to get the fist run at her, smashing her into a nice round pothole. It didn’t happen.

At the next bar blow girl lined up six 50 year-old men and started dancing for them. At this point I escaped to the front bar with one of the more normal girls and began doing as many shots as possible. After I realized that a blackout wasn’t possible, I decided the best route was to get the tab and loose them on the way to the next bar. I got the tab, paid and left with a couple of the other girls.

More naked swimming followed at the house that night. Around 4 in the morning I was laying there wondering what kind of life my sister lead in college. Then I started thinking how the whole weekend was like bad porn where no one got laid, which does remind me of my sister’s college life. If I was a smart girl, I would have video taped the whole thing and made some money. Although my sister would hate me. At this point she’s indebted to me for the next 6 months.