Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Robbie and Robie

Last fall my friend Robby brought some super Christian girl over to my house for the weekend. When I asked him if they were serious his retort was “We would be if she would give it up”. It appears as though Robbie, in his search for spiritual enlightenment (aka search for easy prey and women who can’t think for themselves) has met several girls through his bible study. A note on Robbie: Robbie just got out of jail about a year ago for running over a cop with his truck. The cop is ok, and Robbie has since sobered up. Robbie’s anger problem is still apparent, but he is managing it however possible. One of Robbie’s favorite pastimes is women and sex. He’ll partake in his sport with any woman or girl, no discrimination noted.

After his snide comment on the girl, I viewed her as a Mother Teresa type and went on with my life. We were having a party the weekend they were in town. Robbie and Robie went to a wedding and returned about midnight. At that point the party had deteriorated into a handful of drunken friends with guitars that just realized they could all sing and play better than any washed up band on 6th street. Sayings like “don’t you drink I drank enough” were seeping out of my mouth. It was ugly. Upon their arrival, I was not surprised that Robbie and Robie decided to go straight to bed. Robbie because he was determined to make that girl apologize for ever holding out on him, and her because she didn’t know any of us.

A couple of hours later, I spotted the church girl sneaking to the hall bathroom. In a tiny robe that no God fearing woman would ever wear. If was shorter than short. It was down right ho-ish! For a moment, I thought Madam Butterfly was in the house, or that the alcohol was creating devilish illusions. To the contrary. On her way out of the bathroom, another friend confirmed it. What kind of girl, who pretends to be so Christian that she won’t have sex with her boyfriend at 30, spends the weekend with him in the same bed and brings a fucking Fredericks of Hollywood robe? She is the spawn of a she-devil goat resembling pimp.

So in the months that followed her visit, she has often annoyed me. Robbie calls randomly for some skirt she left at our house. I have yet to see this stupid skirt. Not to mention it was Casual Corner, so what’s the big deal? You lose your Prada skirt at my house, ya – go ahead bug the shit out of me. You loose your Channel suit? Stalk my ass, I don’t care. But a fucking skirt from some shoddy story, that’s probably made out of remnants, don’t call me. She finally stopped when I minced words with Robbie.

Last week Robbie invited me to a housewarming at his house. I am deciding whether or not to drive to Houston for the occasion. Then I get an email from the she-spawn..

“I hope yall are having a pleasant week. It is funny how the time just flies by isnt it? Well before you know it saturday will be here. I need to know how much food to have. some of you have told me you are comming, but have not RSVPed. Please RSVP. After all, it is only polite.”

Ahh – WHAT? Man, this religious guilt thing must really be ingrained in this girl. I am so pissed! Who the hell does she think she is? “Only polite” Let me tell you one thing you fucked up Christian girl about being polite:

1) Don’t tease boys – it’s not polite. You are 30 years old, get a grip, you may never get married! Give it up, or get the hell out. I don’t want to see my friends with blue balls just because you decided not to carry on a basic human function over the constraints of some dogmatic religion that is so far removed from God no one even knows what they’re talking about.
2) It’s not polite to put down a whole group of your boyfriend’s friends because you think you are better than they are. Go put on your streetwalker robe and then come talk to me about how great and holy you are. Shall we say, “whorey you are?”
3) Don’t harass people over cheap synthetic skirts that are too small for your big ass anyway. If we did loose that skirt, we did you a favor. If we didn’t loose that skirt, I’m giving it Goodwill. I’m sure the ho on E.7th needs her ass-flasher back.

Piss off!

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