Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Get a hobby

My sister, given my recent depression, suggested that I develop a new hobby or explore an old one. I love my sister, even in her pink sweater with a matching pink bag and her diamond cross.

Katie, my sister, is one of the most adorable sheltered women you will ever met. The house we grew up in was emotionally and physically unsheltered. However, Katie was able to turn a blind eye to the rest of the world. Her experiences with drinking failed miserably. Her one time attempt with getting high was prevented by an inhaling problem. "I just can't seem to inhale..it hurts or something", she would choke out. As far as I know, she has never had a one night stand or lied to anyone. Hard to believe she's my sister.

Around her senior year in college, of course she graduated in four years, she discovered God. Thanks to her friend Angie. Thanks Angie. I have no problem with people investing their personal devotions to a higher power. I can say that I do the same. However, I don't believe that you have to accept Jesus in your heat to go to heaven. Nor do I believe that some of the greatest people in this world are doomed to eternal damnation because they have failed to "accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior".

This issue came up when my grandmother was dying. Lillie was a great woman. Always charming, socially adept at any situation, and loving in her own way. She did the best she could. The week before she died my sister was in a frenzy that our grandmother was going to hell. Despite my attempts to calm her nerves, Katie was devastated to think of our grandmother burning in some type of fire for the rest of eternity. I assured her that if that was the case, she could hang out with Gandhi and it would be alright.

Today while I was having my pity party and complaining that I couldn't seem to make my life slow down, she suggested the hobby. I was surprised she didn't mention church, relieved actually. Not that I would mind going, but I didn't need that from her today. "Take some music lessons again, just to get your mind off things." This from a woman taking her 5 year old to a therapist and talking to me while she was getting a pedicure. Once she's done, she'll jump in the Mercedes and run back to her million dollar estate overlooking down town Austin.

A hobby huh? Maybe she's right. I could stop going out and acting like a party girl, I could stop being intrigued with men I don't need to know, and start pretending that everything with the husband I is fine. Have a little baby. Hope he doesn't leave me, and go back to my little house where everything looks perfect; but is really falling apart. If I could just start church and find that grace, I might be healed.

The scariest part of the idea, is that it sounds logical to me right now. Maybe she has a point. I think I'll call Strait Music for an appointment.

Oh wait, shit. I tried that. I was called the last 6 years of my life. Cocktails anyone?

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