Why I love me a good drunk

After a rigorous day of pedicures and margaritas in celebration of my sister’s mother’s day, I received a call from an inebriated and dearly loved friend. “Could you come get me?” he slurred, “I’m at Lavaca…” while other recognizable voices sing along to the Rolling Stones and drowned him out.

Sounds like a mission for Mighty Mandy – Here I come to save the day! I could hear the rowdiness spilling out of the bar a couple of feet away. “Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, girl”, all out of tune with Mick. Upon entry it was confirmed, positively smashed. Aren’t these my friends that got to work at 9:00 am for Mother’s Day Sunday brunch at their assorted bar and restaurant jobs? Yes they are wearing all black, further affirmation that they had been drinking straight for at least 5 hours. Lovely, I should have had another marg before leaving Maudie’s. Sigh.

Once inside the door, I was swept off my feet (literally) by another friend who apparently has learned that women are rag dolls. Let’s just say that we danced an entire song without my feet ever reaching the floor. Fortune smiled at me, and allowed me to escape unharmed.

After herding the cat, the drop off and destination was priceless. Observe, with me, a little sneak peak of what the man had to provide: (And if this is you reading, behold the reasons why I could not be mad at you – you made my night)

1)“I love you” – followed by an attempt to kiss me. Lovely man received a big lick of my arm. Advice? Aim higher.
2)“Don’t do that to me! You don’t love me like that!” This was in response to me applying poison ivy medication to said man’s face. In retrospect, I am not sure what this means. Next time I will let friend wake up with both the hangover, and the most sever case of poison ivy to the face anyone has ever seen.
3)“Do you want to have sex”, slurred out with one eye open while struggling to put the straw into his to-go cup from Wendy’s. Enough said.
4)Me: “Would you like to sit up while you eat?” I ask as I try to pull him to an upright position. At this point he starts laughing at me. Even funnier was watching him try to eat and drink. Yes, laugh drunk man! While I watch the fries scatter about your torso and the tomatoes fall into you armpit.
5)“That’s it – I’ll punch him out!” (or something bizarre to that effect) referring to another friends attraction to a man she recently met, and has yet to go out with. Maybe for her sake, she shouldn’t introduce the two.
6)“The good times are killing you, Amanda”. Umm – you or me? Again while noting drool and run-away tomato.
7)“This DJ Shadow CD is the most important thing in my life. It’s the one thing I haven’t lost tonight”. This is good. Notable for such a state.
8)Me: “What do you want to eat at Wendy’s?” Him: “A number 7, no mayo, mustard and cheese with a Drr….”. One minute later, “Can I take your order?” “Yea, a number 7, no mayo add mustard and cheese and a Dr. Pepper”. Drunk friend, “You know me so well. I love you.” Proceeds to kiss side of seat.

And you thought I would be mad? Oh Rojo, how could one be mad? Check the pit for tomato seeds.