Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Friday, April 23, 2004

Pick it up, put it down

Yea! I’m turning 31 on Monday! Wait. I’m turning 31 on Monday. How did this happen? It’s been a year already, and now I am swimming full force in the 30 something stream. Odd. I still feel 20ish. Well honestly, I don’t know what 30ish is suppose to feel like. Does it mean that I need to stop wearing kitche t-shirts and pigtails? Does it mean I need to begin paying my bills on time, or pondering my 401k? If either is the case, I’m not going to fit in here very well.

I usually love my birthdays. I love having parties for myself, and I always feel special on my birthday. I feel like all people should stop when I walk by and whisper to one another, “check it out, it’s her birthday”, while their friend nods back. I feel like it’s my opportunity to look back on my year and congratulate myself on my accomplishments.

In that vein, let’s see what happened. I passed 2 parts of my CPA exam. That’s great, but I don’t really want to be an accountant. I also have 2 more parts to go, and it’s killing me. I met a lot of great people this year, and I lost some friends too. I started to be more of myself again. I’m sure I grew a lot this year. I only say that because I cried more this year than ever before, and all those tears must equate to progression.

Maybe it’s just my current pessimistic mood, the throws of my situation, or the everyday humdrum of life; but I don’t feel like I have that much to celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bitching over here. I know I have it better than most. How many people take the opportunity in their life to tear it all down, and I mean down to the quick of their soul. I did all of this to get back to myself. How many people do you know would stop their entire life, because they thought there was a chance they could be happier?

Sure you meet some. They move or they change a habit. That’s not what I am talking about here. I completely disassembled my life this year. I took everything good and everything bad out of my little box, and now I contemplate what goes back in. Pink jacket, yes. Old friend, no. Guitar, yes. Lies, no.

Could you do it? Would you do it? What would you put back in? That’s where I am this year. This year is the year I begin to fill up my life with what I truly need and want, instead of what has found it’s way in.

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