So there

Today is therapy day with the husband. Big sighs all around. Another round of “what do you think” that lasts for 50 minutes and makes your toes curl. Can I go back to bed? It’s so warm and cozy and soft, and no one asks me how I felt because it’s written all over my face.

I’m telling Miss Suzanna I’m not coming back for individual therapy anymore. I’ve decided there’s nothing wrong with me. Sure, my relationship with the hubby better represents “The Odd Couple” than “Leave it to Beaver” (no, not the porno – although that would be great!).Yet on a personal level, I’m quite happy with myself.

Here’s my list for staging a revolt against seeing her again:

1)I happily sing both in the shower and in the car. Unhappy people don’t do these things, unless it’s to Adam Duritz. I assure you I am not crooning his tunes these days.
2)I have painted my toenails a vibrant shade of happy Santiago Pink.
3)I no longer think I have a problem, instead I think that some things are just the way they are. Chickens and cats don’t mate, why should I be forced to do something just as unnatural?
4)I am no longer eating McDonald’s French fries on a regular basis. Both my ghetto bootie and I are happier and healthier for this.
5)I no longer hang out with dangerous and destructive friends who force me to drink by the gallon. Current friends drink by the pint.
6)I have stopped pretending to be the girl from Amiele. I still retain the right to put on my polka-dot dress and frequent downtown alone. I will still do this in search of one glass of white wine, while wearing my hair in the same fashion as my French friend. I will however refrain from trying to speak French, which I don’t and will never speak coherently.
7)I have not kissed a random boy in months.
8)I have not fallen down at a gay bar and shamelessly embarrassed my friend who was having his first gay debut in weeks.
9)I have not exposed, or threaten to expose, my ass to an acupuncturist in well over a month.
10)I’m not overwhelmed by my situation. I understand that I may not be able to change it, but I’m not afraid of what that means anymore.

I’ll let you know how it goes. I have a feeling her therapy dog won’t be so happy about this. (I give him puppy treats)