This is what I get for being an info-slut

I am ashamed, so ashamed. It was a typical Sunday morning for me. I was happily making coffee and studying in my little cottage. I took a break to eat a sandwich, and turned on the tube. Flip, flip, flip, there’s nothing on. I only have 5 stations, so I succumbed to watching an infomercial. It’s true, I went that low. What’s worse, after about 15 minutes I ordered the damn thing! I must be the most gullible person in the world. They should have special offers for people who can’t even make it 30 minutes into their paid programming. I deserve something for my lack of will power.

But now I hate them. These people sold me dreams of a gorgeous body in just six weeks, and it’s been 17 days and I’m fatter than before. Granted I’m not overweight, but I decided to take some time off of working out after I ordered the product. I rationalized that since I will be going on a comprehensive workout program in a couple of weeks, I could let myself go a little. Not a lot, but a little seemed realistic. I exercise three days a week or so, but instead of running I chose yoga. Instead of chicken, I chose bowls of queso and refried beans. I justified that since I would have to change my eating habits, I should enjoy my last supper. I didn’t realize how many last suppers there would be in between ordering the product and receiving the DVDs in my fat little hands.

This week it started to hit me. All those beautiful pink cocktails that shimmer in the glass are now shimmering on my ass. My pants have shrunk a little, and my shirts are tighter. Damn them! Damn those Slim in 6 people! This is all their fault.

I just called to find out what type of natural disaster has delayed my package. Torrential down pours? Mudslide? Hurricane? Typhoons? The man politely tells me, “Let’s see dear, you ordered it on May 24th. It looks like it’s in Austin and you should get it either today or tomorrow.” First of all Mr. Beachbody representative, should you be calling me dear? I felt like a sad chubby girl pouting for help. Here I am whimpering over a product that will probably bore me in a week. Second of all, I ordered it May 24th! Do you know how out of control my bootie can get in 17 days? You can’t play around with a force like that.

I blame you Beachbody Slim in 6 people! You are the reason I feel chubby, my ass jiggles, and my arms look like ham hocks. I think this is some ploy you all have so that I will loose even more weight on your program. Now I have to loose weight I didn’t have before I ordered your product. Some marketing ploy, make me fat so you can make me skinny. I know your tricks.


I’m going running after work and eating a salad for dinner. You bastards! See if I need you Slim in 6 program, or should I say Slim in 9 program?