The stars at night, are big with fright….deep in the heart of Texas

How good of friends are you with Lita Ford?

All I can think about are those vile lyrics:

“Went to a party last Saturday night, I didn’t get laid, I got in a fight – uh huh. It aint’ no big thang.”

For some reason whenever someone says, “It’s no big thing”, these lyrics instantly pop up in my head. I curl my lip up and start singing them. It also goes over well if you do a little eye rolling combined with some fist pumping while you sing the lyrics in your most annoying country slang. Nice. Really.

In my feisty mood, I’m hoping these lyrics won’t be the reality of my Friday night. Not that I’m much of a fighter, but I’m one hot tamale today. Pretty much everything has made me angry, and I can’t seem to get anything to go right. Still, fighting is a little much. Do women really fight?

I’ve only seen a couple of girls scrap it out, and it’s never been pretty. In high school I decided to stick up for one of my friends in the girl’s locker room. Another girl was calling her names and threatening to hit her. I told the girl she could hit me if she wanted to, thinking she would be scared of me. Thinking back on it, I was about 5’4 and 95 lbs. Not so scary. I guess she saw that too, because she popped me in the eye like a boxer. I stood there shocked, and all that came out of my mouth was “I can’t believe you really hit me”. I finally believed her later that afternoon when I had a black eye as physical proof.

Other than that, I only encountered meaningless little girly scraps from time to time in high school. In college people were too busy being smarter than their friends to care about physical brutality.

The last catfight I witnessed was a couple of years ago at Willy Nelson’s 4th of July picnic. (Man, I bet that line scared the life out of some of you.) You can pretty much guess how that went down. Shirts were ripped, confederate flag panties were strewn about (no, I wish I was lying), and fat was flying in every direction possible. I would say that one of the ladies lost her tooth, but I’m sure that was previous to the fight. I wonder who won the waify little man?

Now that I wrote this, I am scared to death that I live in Texas. I’m going home and pour myself a Lone Star.

**Quick side note: I was trying to find a picture of someone that looked like women I was describing above and came across “Trailer Park Toys”. Whhhaat? How nice! Now kids can buy little trailers, like the ones they live in, to play with. Warms my heart.