Here’s your little ice cream with a fucking cherry on top

You know when you’re having a fine day, and then all of sudden your nose starts running and it won’t stop. So you spend the next few hours sniffling, and your boy calls and then starts calling you Sniffles. This makes the whole day a little more manageable.

So does the raise, promotion, and new office I got. It makes my hours here seem a little bit better. So once again, I’m happy. But never fear my angry side is here and this one, my dear, goes out to “Just Desserts” from your comment yesterday.

Dear Just Desserts,

Funny that you wrote that, almost ironic isn’t it? There you are wishing I was still with you as you cry yourself to sleep every night. While I’m out fucking other men and not thinking of your shortcomings.

Don’t be so sad Just Desserts, it was never meant to be. You’re not the only sucker in the room who thought that I would make them happy. You’re just the only one who doesn’t understand the huge “Leave me the fuck alone” sign I’ve plastered up in front of your face.

Yes, I realize you love revenge. Peeing on your old roommate’s couch really taught him a lesson or two, didn’t it? Boy, you got him there. However, your latest revenge devices with me haven’t had the sting one would hope. You send mean emails and crude text message. You love me as close to hate me as I’ve ever seen possible. This is where you flourish. You tip toe down that tiny sting between the two emotions without a net and fall without logic.

Did I ever have feeling for you? Sure I did. I’m not too big to deny that. There was a time when you were always on my mind. I’d spend hours dreaming about you and smelling the flowers you would send. After all, it was better than the piss smell you left your X roomie.

But here we are. You’re a liar, a coward, and a cheat. You can’t love because you can’t give yourself the right. You’re cruelty refashioned on women the way your family tortured you as a child. I’m sorry for your past, but the day comes when a man has to grow up.

So grow the fuck, already. You have a lot going for you if you would pull your head out of your lazy ass. I’ve thought about seeking revenge on you for the cruelty that you’ve dished out to me, but alas that would be like loving you in your eyes. So you’ve beaten me there. There’s nothing I can do.

Except maybe tell you this. Everyday that I am not with you, that I don’t hear your voice, that I don’t see your reflection in the window, I’m happier. Each time I wake up in the middle of the night and you’re not there, I smile. Every time I fuck the shit out of my boyfriend, I scream his name to remind me that it’s not you, and the orgasm is even better. Every time I think about how fucking incredibly moody and insecure you are, I hang out with my friends and remember what it’s like to have fun with someone instead of taking care of a child. Whenever I have drinks with my friends, I’m reminded that there are people who can handle their liquor without throwing a jealous rage. Oh yea – and when I’m out with my guy and another man looks at me, he snuggles up close to me, kisses me on the cheek and tells me how happy he is that I’m with him. Then when we get home he proves it over and over and over again.

I hope that stays with you and keeps you warm at night, darling.