Good God, stop the bleeding!

I’m sitting at work completing my divorce forms. Can it get any better than this? I wish they let me drink in my cube. It seems like I should be doing this with a glass of tequila and a smoke. Can you imagine the president stopping by to pay me a visit right now?

I’m at the step where I am separating our assets. This is my chance! I can smell victory, and it comes in the form of sticking him with the cats and giving myself the dog. Next up is the question of household possessions. I’ll take both our guitars and leave him the muffin pans. Now they want the VIN numbers to our cars. One Volkswagen Cabrio-gay for the Mr., and the Mrs. will take the new Extera. Scratch that, I like my car better. I just like to think of him driving around Austin in the Cabrio-gay.

The house? Yes thank you, I’ll take that. The patio furniture goes with the hubby goes and I’ll take the brand new BBQ pit. Stock and bonds? Yes, I’ll take those too. Wow, they are so nice here. It’s like Christmas! Just click, click, click and mama just got herself two new laptops and a server with all the music in the world. Click, click…..

Click…click….

I don’t want any of this. I couldn’t care less about my china and his chain saw. Take it all, what do I care?

Where’s the button that says “Magically divorced! It’s magically delicious!”?