Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Friday, June 17, 2005

Say Nothing

I’m starting to realize that maybe I don’t express myself very well. I think of myself as a very blunt and to the point person. Despite this, I keep hearing from people that they didn’t know what I think of them or that I am hard to read. I find this fascinating, because I think its written all over my face.

I’ve listened to these complaints and I’ve tried to look at myself honestly and see if it’s true. I’m starting to see what they mean. Do you know how many times I have looked at you and wanted to tell you that I love you? Or the millions of times that I looked at you at thought you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but quietly shied away.

I’m not sure if it’s the pressure of dealing with those words once they come out, or the strength to say them that prevents me from opening my mouth. Part of it is the vulnerability that comes with honesty; some of it is the levity that comes with being honest.

I’m just not there yet. I’m not there with lovers or some of my friends. I’m trying to relay that it’s not personal; it’s just me right now. One day I’ll be brave again, but for now I’m being careful with me. And if one more person asks me to make an excuse for this, I’ll fucking chop their head off and mail it to their mom. Got it?

Love you! Kisses!

by body item ;

5 Comments:

Blogger DrinkJack said...

I know you are not talking to me, but that is an awfuly sweet post. I hope you find the strength, the wisdom, and the love that you so deserve.

10:53 PM

 
Blogger MzOuiser said...

Hee hee! That was clear! Very lovely post!

I think that people say things like that because they want to see/hear something specific - hardly your responsibility. Your love, I'm sure, can be felt by those brave enough to feel it.

2:21 PM

 
Blogger Johnny said...

could you be a little bit clearer?

:D

8:51 AM

 
Blogger Lost in Translation said...

'someone' should feel better now.... i'm just not sure who?

3:41 PM

 
Blogger Dirty Dan Sin said...

It's me!

I knew it, even though you couldn't say it!

I have so many people to thank for this honor...

1:25 PM

 

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