Say Nothing

I’m starting to realize that maybe I don’t express myself very well. I think of myself as a very blunt and to the point person. Despite this, I keep hearing from people that they didn’t know what I think of them or that I am hard to read. I find this fascinating, because I think its written all over my face.

I’ve listened to these complaints and I’ve tried to look at myself honestly and see if it’s true. I’m starting to see what they mean. Do you know how many times I have looked at you and wanted to tell you that I love you? Or the millions of times that I looked at you at thought you were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but quietly shied away.

I’m not sure if it’s the pressure of dealing with those words once they come out, or the strength to say them that prevents me from opening my mouth. Part of it is the vulnerability that comes with honesty; some of it is the levity that comes with being honest.

I’m just not there yet. I’m not there with lovers or some of my friends. I’m trying to relay that it’s not personal; it’s just me right now. One day I’ll be brave again, but for now I’m being careful with me. And if one more person asks me to make an excuse for this, I’ll fucking chop their head off and mail it to their mom. Got it?

Love you! Kisses!