Because you can’t and won’t and you don’t stop

Costanza has text messaged and called me at least 3 times a day since I met him.

One would think the lack of interest might clue him in to my resistance. As a Costanza I thought surely he would “dump” me before I would have to call him out. Big buzzer. I was wrong again. This weekend he cluttered up my SIM card with Easter wishes and messages asking me if I was okay. Since when do acquaintances worry about other people’s well being instead of feeling blown off? I should have listened to you all. Brutal honesty really is the way to go.

Instead I took my regular stubborn route and ended up with an email from the balding short man this morning. No doubt he typed it over his Hawaiian shirt’s girth with the laptop resting on his khaki shorts that shamefully present his chicken legs.

I decided to reply telling him that I haven’t been in the mood for company and that right now I feel like keeping to myself. I cheered it up at the end wishing him good luck with his endeavors with a bartender in town he has the hots for. Subtle clue. Slight shove. This will work.

10 minutes later another email comes back from the little man and he is spouting Joel Osteen’s Easter sermon to me. I would have no clue who this Osteen character is, except my oldest sister was going on and on about him on Friday night. Has this guy invaded every materialistic soulless dweller in Houston?

At first I tried to be open to the idea. I like God, he seems like a great guy to me. So I read and read and then I realized Costanza quoted about 5 paragraphs from Osteen’s sermon. Did he print it out from the web after church? Did he take notes during on Sunday with a laptop? What the hell is this? It basically gives information about not being depressed, and conquering your life.

Who the hell is this guy? If I’m not a tad depressed after a divorce, when can I be? Since when do I have to feel social all the time? Just because I opt out of calling people and doing things for a week doesn’t mean that I’m on my way to hell. It just means I need a break.

Then it goes on to tell me about how Jesus is here to save me from myself and yada yada. Boy, if I wanted organized religion there are hundred of churches I could go to. I’m a spiritual person in a very private way, and I don’t appreciate these guilt-ridden tactics from someone I talked to for a couple of hours one day. Take your westernized white man’s Jesus and shove it up your fat little ass. Let me know if you find the answer in that.

My idea of spirituality includes the concept of God, and I don’t have any problems with people who go to church. I just ask that people don’t bring the church into my life. When I want to learn about your ways, I will. Until then stop judging me and let me be.

He signed off hoping the message might “strengthen me”. The only way that I could get any stronger at this point is if I picked up his bible and beat the shit out of him with it. What’s with religion these days that it comes from a point of judgment and despair to help people because there is something wrong with them? What kind of teachings lead us to believe the people that create this world are all so bad they need saving? I don’t want a religion that creates its foundation believing that people are non-thinking, weak, and sin ridden.

If there is a religion that starts out believing that people are growing learning beautiful creatures seeking out how to be better people, I’ll go there. As for Castanza and his “I think I was meant to help you attitude”… Sorry, but I’m looking for someone who realizes I don’t need help and that I can manage on my own. I’m not looking to be saved, just appreciated for who I am.