Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Please hold for the next available Snowflake

I feel like everything in my life is on hold right now. Social life? Please hold until Snowflake completes her big ass task at work. Workout routine? Please wait until the next available time when Snowflake doesn’t have to work until the cows come home. Fun? Hold. Nephews? Hold. Happiness? Hold, please.

I’m stuck in a waiting line that feels like it’s going to continue for months. I’m waiting on my house to sell, so that I can be happy again. I’ve tried a feel a little of that bliss on my shoulders while I’ve been there, but its too hard. I’ve found numerous reminders of my wedding. Every time I walk into a room, I feel like my husband or my dog should be in there waiting for me. I pass the threshold and realize it’s just me in there. Alone. And then I realize he’s at his girlfriend’s, with my dog, probably snuggled up on the couch watching TV.

Wasn’t I the one who wanted a divorce? Why is this bothering me?

Last night he stopped by to wash the dog and pick up some stuff. My guess is the new girl doesn’t approve of dogs getting a bath where she places her derrière. Regardless, the two of them bounded in the house and felt like strangers to me. Well, mainly just him. I’m not so sure that dogs can ever qualify as just an acquaintance after they’ve licked your face a 1,000 times. He did his thing and I did mine. Barely speaking. He left and came back right when I was on my way out with the Playa MC.

I wished him a goodnight and felt empty inside. Where am I going without him? When did he become a stranger to me? When did we stop being friends? When will I get over this? Loosing your best friend and your childhood dreams in one-fail swoop sucks. I’m ready to feel like my life will go on and will be better than ever. I’m ready for my little rock star self to come back into the picture.

Someone take me off hold.

by body item ;


Blogger Lunatic said...

Boop- Lunatic's love service, thanks for holding. How can I help you?

1:12 PM

Blogger Nan said...

I totally understand what you are saying. I went through this 3 years ago. It does get better. Hang in there.

2:21 PM

Blogger DrinkJack said...

Yep, divorce sucks totally, no matter who started that ball rolling. I agree with Nanabear, it does get better, eventually. You have to learn to love yourself (not in that way!). It is a matter of re-engineering your brain for singlehood. Reminders are everywhere. Don't let them get you down. Life is yours to live and no one elses'.

Keep talking and you will find friends coming out of the woodwork.

8:29 PM

Blogger Hotpants said...

this post made my heart hurt.

9:13 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home

Free Counter