Would you like fries with that?


I feel like super ass right now. I’m not sure if it is a head cold or a hangover, but either way I feel like my head is levitating somewhere outside of my work pod. I’m swamped at work, which is really paying a price on my blog. Don’t they know they pay me to entertain myself by writing?

I’ll show them. I just spent the better part of the last hour flipping through the Tiffany’s website picking out jewelry that I would send myself if I was my own Valentine. Oh, and I had money. I think I spent about $30,000 in my head, but it’s okay because my head is now down the hall in another department.

I’m spending the other part of my time at work interviewing people to help me. That way I can actually have time to blog again and get my life back on track. I’ve met five people so far on this little journey, and its left me a bit sad. Do you have any idea how many people out there with degrees will work for nothing? I’m never leaving my job, because the competition is overwhelming. I’m hiring for a very low position, and I have people with more education than me applying. We should thank Mr. Bush for our great economy. I’m seeing first hand how much the job market has improved. Right. Out of work and hope these people flood my in box with resumes. I shake their hands and look at tired eyes that just want benefits. Fuck the pay, do you have medical insurance? Good job, Mr. President. Yes, I blame you.

I’ve seen fat people, skinny people, young and old people, some with hair and some without and all they want is this crappy little job. They are desperate and most of them are out of work. They spend their time riding with their truck driving husbands, taking computer classes at the community center, and practicing yoga. They tell me too much or they tell me nothing at all, but at the end they shake my hand and beg me to call. It’s like the desperate look in a love-starved woman’s eye at the end of a bad date when she already fucked the guy. There’s not going to be a call and we both know it.

I have three more people to talk to today. I’m looking forward to the Asian Van Dam that applied. I think he might be a bookkeeper extraordinaire. His cover letter said something like, “With the excellence that I bring to the team, with the determination that I have to succeed, and with the educational background that I carry with me, I know I will be the best addition to your company”. He sounds like an ass-kicking number force to me. He beats the lady with a “Degree in Secretary ship” hands down.

This is sad. My life is becoming my job. I’ve got to hire someone so I can go back to the fun little snowflake we know and love.