Redneck Rant of the Day!

My company hired a temporary skank to watch over the front desk for a couple of days. It was an ordinary day, and as I walked in the front door I looked down at her and jumped back. “Hiiiii!” She said in a Texas drawl. Good lord Miss Bessy, who let that tramp in? Her tiny little breasts were trying to be seen, and she had on more eyeliner than Alice Cooper.

I immediately went into my boss’s office and if she was giving out free blowjobs while people waited for us in the lobby.

I walked by the next morning and I’m sure I heard her slurring the following: “Good morning, thank you for calling XXX, would you like me to polish your bishop or just transfer your call?” Whaat? Not to mention the outfits get worse everyday. It’s not helpful that she has one of those painfully skinny frames. You know the kind where you wondering where they hide their needles, or if maybe they have some horrible disease and you should feel like an ass just for thinking all this in your head. I concluded that no one with a serious illness would dress like a whore, so I went back to being irritated.

She just came by a minute ago and asked to trade me a dollar. Guess the coke machines doesn’t take c**t coins. It didn’t bother me that she asked me to trade her money; it was her accent that killed me. Who develops a southern drawl like that? I don’t get it. Was she raised by people with two teeth between the lot of them, and beaten until she was practically incomprehensible?

I’ve lived in Texas my whole life. When I travel people rarely guess I am from Texas, unless I’m drunk or talking about where I’m from. And I admit, when I’m drunk it comes out loud and clear. However, when I’m at work I refrain from speaking like a redneck. I don’t know, there something just so unprofessional about it.