Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Hold my hand in the middle of the night

It’s the phone call I made last night at 4:30 in the morning that reminds me I’m loved. I was lying in bed listening to the rain rustle the leaves on the oak outside my window and worrying about my upcoming exam.

I haven’t studied enough. I’m never going to pass. I’m going to end up doing all of this work for nothing. I should have known I couldn’t do this.

I need to pay bills and look at my finances. When was the last time I did that? I wonder if I’m late or have missed a payment on anything. I hope my credit isn’t affected.

I’ve been drinking too much. It will probably age me and I will end up looking like 50-year-old woman by Christmas. And the smoking, too. Ridiculous. When was the last time I worked out? I really need to get my life together.

Then I went back to the beginning and started in on myself about studying. I finally looked over at the clock and realized I had been at this for over an hour.

I picked up my phone and called Rojo. No answer, but then he called back a minute later. “You ok, baby?” I explained my lack of sleep, my lack of motivation, my indulgent behavior and what I mess I am. He yawned and started talking me down in his sleepy voice so far away. “You’re fine. You can do this. Take one thing at a time and don’t get scared.”

I hung up the phone and snuggled down into my pillow. The wind still billowing outside, but my thoughts were calmer. I stayed awake for a couple more hours thinking about how loved I am, and how lucky I am to have a voice on the other side of the phone in the middle of the night. Some one who knows how relentless I am on myself, but always helps me snap out of it.

I wish you all a voice on the other side of the line.

by body item ;

5 Comments:

Blogger mona said...

what's better than that warm hug over the phone line when the wind gets too high in our ears?

nothing.

hearts.

11:44 AM

 
Blogger Grateful said...

Wow. It's the truth though... sometimes someone else believing in us makes all the difference. Angels. That's what they are.

Angels.

1:38 PM

 
Blogger Dirty Dan Sin said...

I've got one of those voices - a few actually. I try to never need them, but life inevitably unfurls her sheets of tragedy and there I am again. I smoke and drink while I work out, but then again, I have no checking account, so DO NOT listen to me.

Thanks for the comments, btw.

2:25 PM

 
Blogger Hotpants said...

The voice on the other side is rarely ever God.

it IS good though.

i have a bank account the size of a nickel. i JUST started working out though I do have a cigarette before and after.

and yeah, bring on the liquor and carbs.

if you'll be 50 before xmas, i'll be 97 by New Years Eve...

Partying like a goddamn rockstar grandma, I am.

3:07 PM

 
Blogger Jennirhiow said...

i dun hv one... but that's ok.. i think... usually i wouldnt crack my eyes open. i'll just stay asleep. *hugs*

but if u and i ever get together, let's drink ourselves numb!

5:27 PM

 

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