From the mouths of babes

My sister has an incredible sense of smell. Long before anyone else in the family even remotely smells Uncle L’s fart, my sister is already gagging. Unfortunately she passed this trait on to her youngest son, whom I call Nu Nu. I’m convinced one of his first words was “stinky” and at almost 3 years old there are tons of foods rejected due to smell alone.

Yesterday my sister decided to torture the two tikes by making them sit on scary Santa’s lap. Is there a child in the world who enjoys forced closeness with a man who appears to be nothing like his own grandpa? I have my doubts. Regardless of their personal preference, up they went to be placed on the soiled legs of an old man. Immediately Nu Nu shook his head and gave my sister a dirty look. My sister didn’t know what was wrong and started to coach him into resisting his intuition, “Everything is fine. You’re ok”. Sitting on some old crow’s lap is not okay, nor is it something to force a child to do. How are they supposed to decipher the difference between Santa or some pedophile from the sticks?

Santa began by asking Boo, my 5 year old nephew, what he would like. Boo rattled off his list, while Nu Nu kept intensely staring at my sister. “It’s stinky, Mommy!” he shrieked. My sister, embarrassed, just smiled at him and winked. When Santa had fully discussed all of Boo’s options, he turned to ask Nu Nu about his wants. It was at that point that Nu Nu discovered the source of all that is rotten, and proclaimed in that loud little voice only two year olds have, “It’s your face, Santa! It’s stinky! That’s disgusting!”. Santa chuckled and looked at my sister as if pleading with her to silence the child, which only exacerbated the situation. “Santa, Santa! That smell - it’s coming from your mouth!” cried Nu Nu in hopes of saving Santa from some beast within his jaws.

Nu Nu was promptly removed from the lap of the crusty old bag and sent on his way. Luckily they snapped the picture before Nu Nu discovered the old man’s retched breath, and my sister has something to dole out to family. Ahh, if only they recorded such interactions. I guarantee it would be better than any forced picture they could muster up. Imagine all the things that man must hear from the honest mouths of babes.