As close to a confessional as it’s going to get

It appears that New Year’s Eve turns me into a complete whore. Since I’ve been in a relationship for the past 6 years, I didn’t realize the slut force lying within me. From what I can recall, the old saying of “Gin gets her naked” is true. Below is a list of my behavior. If you are a powerful deity, I most humbly request your forgiveness. I promise to control myself next year.

Everything was fine before midnight, after that things got blurry. I ended up at the wrong party with “new” friends. Thank goodness people have cameras that document our crass behavior. Otherwise, I would still have a false sense of self-respect. The next day revealed pictures of me, nestled up to some girl revealing my breasts at the bar we were at. I can only hope that every man in the joint saw my lude behavior and will now regard me as the 2005 New Year’s Whore. I would wear my sash proudly, but that kind of goes against the naked theme. You understand.

I also decided to grab several of my guy friend’s asses throughout the night. I passed the point of a friendly fun loving third-grade tactic, when I grabbed someone’s booty that I didn’t know. I think his wife knew I was only joking, but she may now refer to me as the 2005 NY’s Eve Home Wrecker. I don’t recall apologizing, but I did find her business card in my purse. I’m taking this to mean that we must all be friends now, and I will be invited to their next barbeque. If not, I assume I will start getting dead animals delivered to my house. I’ll let you know.

Saturday morning I woke up at noon only to find my friends in the hot tub. Since it was noon, I decided the right thing to do was to grab a beer and join them. After spending a long day’s work gossiping about other NYE whores in the bubbly water, I received my penance for my evil doings of the prior night. It seems the hard concrete on the hot tub seats turned my naked bum into a scratch pad of some type. My derrière is about as red as it can be and I managed to rub a good portion of the skin off of it. Let’s just say I’m in a bit of pain as I type this. The idea of bringing a little hemorrhoid ring seat into the office crossed my mind today, but I didn’t know which situation was more embarrassing. Getting the question: “Gee, do you have hemorrhoids?” or having to respond, “No, I’m just your typical slut who spends all day naked drinking in a hot tub to the point where she can’t feel her ass rubbing off”. Classy.

Before I realized what horrid things that hot tub was doing to me, I allowed a friend to take a picture of me and another friend bent over the side of the pool. Yes, somewhere the lies a picture of my red moon arising. Lovely. So as it turns out, I am something of an exposure hog. I had no idea until this weekend. I can’t wait for all of my family to see these pcitures on the Internet. “Ahh, look at our little girl. Just as I remember her, ass up!”

If you see me in the New Year, please help me make my goal of being clothed in all pictures taken in 2005. I would do it for you. And should you see one of these pictures floating around, please don’t forward them to my mother. As for now, I have made it over 24 hours without being photographed in the nude or molesting anyone. Thank you. Thank you very much.