Drifting thoughts of a snowflake

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Lazy Summer Walks

Today I remember some of the people I’ve lost along the way. Lost like the way I never talk to my friend from first grade that I planned my high school graduation party with. By the time junior high rolled around I was in one group and she was in another social setting that seemed just as important to her.

Lost like my little friend, Erin, who died of leukemia in third grade. I was too young to grasp what happened. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t go over and play at her house anymore. She was a beautiful little girl, always full of life and laughing. We would play dress up, put all her wigs on, and style them in outlandish ways. I was envious of those wigs. I didn’t know not to be. For a long time my best friend told me that Erin died and became her imaginary friend. I was happy that Erin was still around us.

In the divorce I lost my mother in law. She was the one who taught me about boys, as odd as that might be. I met her at 15 and she was just as confused by life as I was. We would cook in her kitchen and she would tell me about things like “wants and needs” and the “importance of sex”. She was the first person who respected me like an adult. At times I found her inspirational. Other times I found her depth to be draining. Today I miss her creativity, nurturing, and brutal honesty. The X tells me that she called him a “pussy” for not being able to ride 200 miles on his bike. I think that sums up my nostalgia for the woman.

I lost my Rojo along the way, too. I thought of him a lot this weekend. I miss his naked dancing that was more of a spastic gyrating than any type of dancing and was solely intended to make me laugh. That guy should get a medal for all the times he tried to make me laugh in one of the worst times in my life. I miss our marathon talks over marathon drinking. I miss our bedtime talks and laughing. I miss chair dancing for him, which was nothing of a sexual nature. I miss his fucked up teeth that I always thought made him handsome. And Rojo – if you happen to read this, don’t worry – I’m not delusional enough to think anything would work between us, but I miss you all the same.

I think I’ll take a walk and remember these people. Have you forgotten anyone?

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