Not the golden glove I wish to be

It has come my attention that I am not equipped to deal with personal confrontation. I’m great at the “I’m gonna go windmill on your ass if you don’t get out of my face” when dealing with irate illogical strangers. More to the point, irate illogical strangers with tiny dogs. The problem comes into play when it’s someone that I care about.

I’ve heard the rules to fair fighting speech a million times. I know what I should do and shouldn’t do in order to have a productive conversation that leads to some form of compromise. For some reason I just can’t seem to keep them in my mind when conflict arises with a loved one.

I’m great at seeing the other side. I understand that I need to be more patient, but what do you do when express your feelings and you feel like the other person does nothing but belittle those feelings? I’m at a loss. It seems like I’ve felt this way hundreds of times before when arguing with important people in my life.

I just want them to say, “I can see how you’d feel like that. I don’t want you to feel like that and I’ll try and watch out for that.” When I don’t get that response out of the person, I feel like it turns into a huge order and a fight ensues. I know I’m not blameless in these situations, because they keep happening to me. Obviously, it’s something that I’m doing.

What could it be? Is it that I don’t have a clear goal in mind? Am I expecting too much? Are my expectations getting in the way of reality?

How do you “fight”? Got any tips for success in this area? I could use them. I need to change this part of how I deal with people.